The folks at Borders, apparently not content with depleting my bank account (with my connivance, I admit), have apparently decided that I've been spending too much of my time in the company of books.
Now they seem to want to fix me up with someone -- a someone named Mel Robbins, who is described as "one of the top life coaches in the country."
That's very sweet of them, don't you think?
Oh, you don't believe me?
Well, phooey on you -- you're wrong, and I can prove it!
The Borders folks actually have a radio show titled "Make It Happen with Mel Robbins."
OK, so they don't exactly say what "it" is, but they're obviously just being coy. "It" obviously means love, excitement, all the things that make a life coach's life worth living.
And certainly Ms. Robbins is quite attractive. Sorry to say, this coach is so attractive that she is way out of my league. But if the Borders folks say they can help me win her over, I'm certainly willing to let them try.
But I have one problem with all this.
Borders also has a program titled "Advice for Living with Mel Robbins."
Whoa! Aren't those Borders folks moving just a little too fast? First they seem to want to get me to first base, but then I'm apparently supposed to bypass second and third, head straight for home and continue on through to the parking lot.
I mean, shouldn't there be a few intermediate programs? Such as:
Advice for Sitting Through "Mamma Mia!" with Mel Robbins
Advice for Meeting Mel Robbins' Parents
Advice for Picking Out Furniture with Mel Robbins
But no -- they have me living with the woman, almost from the get-go.
Frankly, I'm not sure I'm up for all this. Tires me out just thinking about it.
And I'm sure Ms. Robbins can do a lot better.