Sunday, January 1, 2017

If Stanley Kubrick had been a game show director....

BUD COLLYER: Welcome back to “To Tell the Truth”! As you’ll recall, our panelists – Tom Poston, Peggy Cass, Orson Bean and Kitty Carlisle – cast their ballots before the commercial, so now it’s time to turn to our team of contestants and ask: “Will the real Roman slave please stand up?”

CUT TO CONTESTANTS: Three men, all wearing togas.

The three look at one another. Then NUMBER 2 stands up.

NUMBER 2: I am Spartacus!

Applause.

Then NUMBER 1 stands.

NUMBER 1: I am Spartacus!

Then NUMBER 3 stands.

NUMBER 3: I am Spartacus!

CUT TO A LONG SHOT OF THE PANEL.

After a pause, KITTY stands.

KITTY: I am Spartacus!

A moment later, TOM gets up.

TOM: I am Spartacus!

Then PEGGY stands.

PEGGY: I am Spartacus!

ORSON, still seated, looks around at the other panelists.

Then he shrugs and gets up.

ORSON: What the hell – I guess I am Spartacus, too!

CUT TO BUD as he holds his head in his hands.

BUD: Oh shit….