A few months ago I marked a personal milestone (or maybe it’s more of a millstone):
I turned 70.
But I didn’t need a calendar to tell me this — a TV commercial did the job nicely.
In this ad, an older couple receives a phone call from their grandson, who tells them how well he did in a ballgame.
But this is no ordinary call. Because they have hearing problems, Grandma and Grandpa have a phone with a screen that shows the kid’s words as he speaks them. (I once participated in a call like this; it worked fine even if it did seem weird.)
As I watched this commercial for the umpteenth time (it’s especially hard to miss if, like me, you spend too much time watching channels that show programs you watched as a kid), something suddenly occurred to me:
The grandma — that’s Cissy!
For those of you who weren’t around in the sixties, or were around but had better things to do than watch sitcoms, Cissy was a character in “Family Affair,” a show about a bachelor, played by Brian Keith, who adopts three children after their father (the bachelor’s brother) and mother are killed in a car crash.
Cissy, a teenager played by Kathy Garver, was the oldest of the children.
In addition to reminding me of the remorseless express train that is on schedule to hurtle me toward the outer reaches of old age, seeing Cissy reminded me of other child actors from that era.
Angela Cartwright, from “Make Room for Daddy” and “The Sound of Music,” is still around and looks well. And there’s Billy (now Bill) Mumy, famous for “Lost in Space” and, most notoriously, the “Twilight Zone” episode in which he plays a kid who can instantly dispose of anyone who offends him. (I’m going to end this paragraph right here lest Mr. Mumy see it, disapprove of it and wish me “into the cornfield.” If you’ve seen this episode, you know what I mean. If you haven’t, let’s just say you’ve been warned.)
And then there’s Hayley Mills.
Hayley was probably my first big crush, after my parents took us kids to see the original version of “The Parent Trap” (which also featured Brian Keith. Hmm.).
In the film Hayley and her identical twin (provided by means of what we used to call “trick photography”) sang a song with the lyrics “Let’s get together — yeah yeah yeah.” The ever savvy Disney folks released this as a 45-rpm record that must have driven my parents nuts, considering the countless times I played it. Luckily our record player was not an RCA; if it had been, Nipper the dog would have jumped off the machine and mauled me.
And now I see that Hayley is one of the celebrities booked for Turner Classic Movies’ annual cruise.
It’s tempting, and if she really wanted me to go I might consider it, but any sea legs I have are probably wobbly at best. And I’ve always remembered how Samuel Johnson said being on a ship was like being in jail with the added thrill of possibly drowning,
Sorry, Hayley — I’m afraid I can’t get together with you on the cruise, but if you’d be willing to meet me on dry land I’d be happy to spring for the scones.
Yeah yeah yeah.
